they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
