I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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