And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
