Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
