You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
