Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
