I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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