I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
