After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
whose ass print is on the piano?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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