I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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