I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you never un-have a 4some
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
