DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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