she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
