You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
