you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
