I'd wear matching sweaters with you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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