i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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