I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
