I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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