So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
