Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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