I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
