i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
