yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
