of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
