well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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