am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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