Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
