He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
