I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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