so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
