Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
