it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
