Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
