11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
