I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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