I didn't shave. On purpose
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am one with the molecules
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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