I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
