I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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