If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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