Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
