I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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