New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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