This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
