I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
