Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
