I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He did a backflip because drugs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
