I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
