please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
