The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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