Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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