dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
