Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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