So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
