not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
