YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
