Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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