i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
