We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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