Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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