You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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