I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
